Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
