Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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