So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
