Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
