i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
operation have a gay friend backfired
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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