i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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