i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
