Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
