im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
