honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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