Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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