she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
