just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
