so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
