I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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