So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
This toilet bowl is my home.
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