Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize