i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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