I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
