So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
