Welp...herpes.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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