We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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