I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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