she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
