Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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