Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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