Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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