Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize