Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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