Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
