did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
