found the other keg... it's in the tree
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
