ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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