So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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