Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
