last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
