I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
