She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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