He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
