Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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