I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
