Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Soap is not a condiment
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
