I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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