I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
