Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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