Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
