Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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