Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
what day is it and did you see me today?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
