it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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