I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
