"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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