with your own penis?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
