I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
