everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
