i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
