I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
