Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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