That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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