o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize