I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
