You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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