Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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