my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
