The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
