walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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