I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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