i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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