A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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