I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
